2020: Ready or Not, Here I Come!

At some point in your life, you have surely enjoyed a good game of hide-and-seek. I have played more games than I can count over the years. From a young child to a mom and now as MiMi – hide-and-seek seems to be a classic favorite.

Remember that moment when you hear “Ready or not, here I come” and feel that sudden mixture of panic, excitement and fear? Your heart beats a little faster and seemingly grows a little louder. Maybe you squeeze in just a bit tighter into your hiding place questioning whether you should have stayed in the bathtub behind the shower curtain rather than move to your current spot under the bed. Often times I made one last dash for a better hiding place after those words rang out, even after hearing footsteps approaching. That may have played into my being found so quickly!

That pretty accurately describes how I am feeling as I begin the year 2020. I could almost hear the new year calling out to me “Ready or Not, Here I Come!” That old panic, fear and questioning flooded my mind throughout December and even now into January. Have I chosen the best place to be – or should I have stayed put?

2019 marks another year filled with major life changes for me. Looking back over my adult life, there have been very few years that could pass as calm, serene or even common. Creating a timeline of my life was a bit overwhelming and I won’t bore you with the details but take my word for it, I have not lived a dull life!

Now, I find myself in yet another major life-altering change. As mentioned in previous posts, 2019 saw our last son leave home for college and in less than one month, Dane’s elderly parents moved in. Some day we will experience that wonderful phase of life known as the empty nest, but not just yet.

It isn’t just the fact his parents moved in but the changes that have taken place in order to accommodate this new season of life that make it so frightening.

The house itself has undergone some changes:

The guest bathroom has been transformed into a handicap bathroom for their comfort and safety. Owen’s bedroom has become their bedroom and the guest bedroom, their TV and sitting room. (Side note, we only have two bathrooms in this home and the other requires you pass through the master bedroom to access.) You can imagine the dilemma when our children are visiting. We no longer have guests over for this and other reasons.

The temperature of our home has also undergone some interesting revisions. My in-laws have very specific ideas about how warm the house should be during the day and how cool at night. You may have sensed that our idea of warm is not the same as theirs. We differ by at least eight or nine degrees. (Think eight degrees doesn’t make that much difference? Turn your heat up, go into your kitchen and cook dinner – then tell me if you still feel the same.)

The gas stove sits without knobs for safety reasons. When it’s time for me to cook, I pull one out of hiding to turn on the stove. The refrigerator and cabinets are in a constant state of their own hide-and-seek games. I often find food or dishes in the strangest of places.

Even the aroma of our home has shifted. We have all experienced this right? You walk through the doors of your home after a long day of work and think, “Ahhh, smells like home!” The sense of smell is documented to evoke memories and even bring strong emotions into play. You likely recall with fondness the smell of your grandma’s house. Maybe the smell of a hospital or nursing home evokes a strong negative response. Our house no longer smells like home for me.

Our schedules have undergone dramatic changes:

Meal times come much earlier now. Apparently, the older you get, the earlier you want to eat dinner.

The nightly disruptions of a newborn baby were nothing compared to this. Our sleep patterns no longer include the state of deep sleep. We dare not go any further than light sleep for fear of missing our names called out in the night or the sound of the whistle indicating we are needed right away.

There is no quick trip to the store or last-minute decision to go out for dinner. Date night? Not likely. Outings are planned ahead to ensure someone is able to stay with my in-laws. No weekend drives. At the moment, we are not even able to attend Sunday church services together.

Our finances have undergone changes:

I no longer get up early and get dressed for the office. Rather than suits, I don jeans and t-shirts. You see, I tendered my resignation and have a new job now. I am a full-time caregiver.

That may be the thing that strikes the most fear and panic as I hear the ringing words of “ready or not”. Leaving my job was not a decision that Dane and I came to lightly. I enjoyed working, that is all I have known for most of my adult life. We also enjoyed the regular paychecks and the additional benefits.

Ahh, it is probably making sense now. The way my heart beats a bit faster at times and my breaths come in a shallow, more rapid rhythm as I try to comprehend the changes 2020 brings for me personally and our family.

If stepping gracefully through our step-family was not complicated enough, enter elderly parents.

God has allowed me this season of life for a specific reason. In it, somehow, there is a way to bring honor and glory to Him.

Do I question our decision daily? YES! Some days, multiple times.

When I feel that panic arise, I lean into Jesus. I hide in Him. Together, Dane and I sought God’s guidance on this decision. We were both given peace and assurance that for the time being, this was the right thing to do.

Since we brought his parents in, we have become acutely aware that they could no longer live independently. If nothing else, this time has given us the opportunity to assess their mental and physical state and help them make better choices in the future.

We fully understand that a day could come in which we are no longer equipped to care for them. That day could be measured in years or weeks, we don’t pretend to know.

What we do know in our heart of hearts is that this is a temporary opportunity to show them love, kindness and grace. We have the chance to bring a measure of peace and joy into their lives. Not everyone is blessed with this opportunity.

That being said, for the time being, as I hear the words calling out to me “Ready or Not, Here I Come” I won’t make that last-minute mad dash to find a better hiding place. I will instead, squeeze in a bit tighter to Jesus, knowing this too is temporary.

There is no place I’d rather be than in the center of God’s will as I accept that 2020 is here whether I am ready or not!

Until next time, step gracefully